Posted on March 27, 2023
Concious vs unconcious needs
I would like this (from you) but I’m ok if you can’t provide that
I’m doing ok, there is no need to fix my need / to fix mself
There is no need for you to fix this
I am open to inquire into this and feel my feelings when I don’t get what I think I want/need
No suffering, no resistance
No deficiency stories tied to my need or to not getting it met if you don’t give me this
Coping strategy: Curious inquiry, acceptance, feeling what emotions arise
You need to give this to me now and I’m not ok if you don’t give this to me
I judge myself. I need to fix this or you need to fix this.
I am ashamed and I need to hide this.
I avoid feeling my feelings when I don’t get what (I think) I need
I feel overwhelmed by the emotions / I am experiencing a sense of abandonment
I use substances or behaviours to I distract myself
I may suffer from compulsion / addiction
Suffering and resistance
Not getting my need met triggers strong emotions and deficiency stories like: „I’m not good enough“/ „You don’t love/care about me“
Coping strategy: blame, avoidance, denial, distraction
With trauma therapy our body gets a chance to process unconsciously charged emotional states (unsafe emotions from childhood-trauma).
As our emotional drivers are processed, they stop fuelling old deficiency stories (“I am unlovable”) and we can find our way back to a sense of trust and non-judgement.
Releasing old trauma means, emotions will no longer scare us and triggers will stop overwhelming us. As we learn to allow and feel our emotions as they arise in the body, we also become attuned to noticing judgement or internal resistance and finding ways of staying present with our experience without becoming overwhelmed.
This will help us to find peace with ourselves and others. As we walk the path to authenticity and healing, nothing needs fixing or hiding anymore.
Trauma therapy goes way beyond “first-aiding” – although we use tools to regulate the nervous system during inquiry. Kiloby Inquiries is meeting that which has been pushed into the unconscious, because it was not safe to be felt in the past.
With skillful inquiry we allow the body to feel and process old childhood wounds. That’s where our true freedom lies.