Conscious vs unconscious needs

Concious vs unconcious needs

Conscious needs

I would like this (from you) but I’m ok if you can’t provide that
I’m doing ok, there is no need to fix my need / to fix mself
There is no need for you to fix this
I am open to inquire into this and feel my feelings when I don’t get what I think I want/need

No suffering, no resistance
No deficiency stories tied to my need or to not getting it met if you don’t give me this
Coping strategy: Curious inquiry, acceptance, feeling what emotions arise 

Unconscious needs

You need to give this to me now and I’m not ok if you don’t give this to me!
I judge myself and I need to fix this. You need to fix this
I am ashamed and I need to hide this

I avoid feeling my feelings when I don’t get what I think I need
I feel overwhelmed by the emotions / I am experiencing a sense of abandonment
I use substances or behaviours to I distract myself
I may suffer from compulsion/ addiction

Suffering and resistance
Not getting my need met triggers my deficiency stories („I’m not good enough“/ „You don’t love/care about me“
Coping strategy: blame, avoidance, denial, distraction


With trauma therapy our body gets a chance to process unconsciously charged emotional states (unsafe emotions from childhood-trauma). As our emotional drivers are processed, they stop fuelling old deficiency stories (“I am unlovable”) and we can find our way back to a sense of trust and non-judgement.
Releasing old trauma means, emotional triggers will stop overwhelming us. We can learn to take care of our emotions just as they arise in the body without judgement or resistance. And at some point we get to a place of peace with ourselves and others. Nothing needs fixing or hiding anymore. 
Trauma therapy is goes way beyond “first-aiding” – although we use tools to regulate the nervous system during inquiry. Kiloby Inquiries is meeting that which has been pushed into the unconscious, because it was not safe to be felt. With skillful inquiry we allow the body to feel and process old childhood wounds. That’s where our true freedom lies.